Book Review: "Holidays on Ice" by David Sedaris

Some holiday traditions are meant to bring family together to share their love, a meal, and maybe a few songs. There are plays and carols and movies galore to entertain the Christmas spirits in us all. This year marks the 25th anniversary of one of my personal favorite traditions—reading Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris.

For those of you who may permanently be on Santa's Naughty List, like me, you will find all the cynicism and the pessimism of the modern holiday experience in this collection of short stories. These stories are not for the faint of heart and are better suited to a mature reader. 

Originally published in 1997, Holidays on Ice contains a few previously published works and a few new items written just for the collection. The most important of the essays is "SantaLand Diaries," also referenced as SLD in this blog. David Sedaris' explosive popularity can be traced back to his original radio broadcast of "SantaLand Diaries" on NPR in the early 90s.

In SLD, Sedaris famously relives his time as an Elf named Crumpet at a Macy's department store in New York City during the Christmas season. For any of you who have ever worked any type of retail during the holiday season, the following quote from Sedaris pretty much sums up the experience: 

Today was the official opening day of SantaLand, and I worked as a Magic Window Elf, a Santa Elf, and an Usher Elf. The Magic Window is located in the adult quick peep line. My job was to say, "Step on the magic star, and look through the window, and you can see Santa." I was at the Magic Window for 15 minutes before a man approached me and said, "You look stupid." I have to admit that he had a point. But still, I wanted to say that at least I get paid to look stupid, that he gives it away for free. But I can't say things like that because I'm supposed to be merry. So instead, I said "Thank you." Thank you, as if I had misunderstood and thought he had said, "You look terrific." Thank you.

Other favorites in the collection include "Dinah the Christmas Whore," in which David recounts the night he and his sister save a sex worker from her abusive boyfriend and "Front Row Center with Thaddeus Bristol," a mock critique of an elementary school Christmas play done in the fashion of a no-holds-barred theatre critic.

From the latter:

Here again, the first through third-grade actors graced the stage with an enthusiasm most children reserve for a smallpox vaccination. One could hardly blame them for their lack of vitality, as the stingy, uninspired script consists not of springy dialogue but rather of a deadening series of pronouncements.

Mary to Joseph, I am tired. Joseph to Mary, we will rest here for the night. There's no fire, no give and take.  

If you enjoy your Christmas spirit with an extra shot of rum in your hot apple cider, then you might want to start your own tradition of partaking in Sedaris' bawdy holiday tales starting this year. You can find Holidays on Ice in several formats including book, book on cd, and downloadable audiobook and ebook from the Birmingham Public Library, the Jefferson County Library Cooperative, and Libby. 

By J. Michael Coe | Library Assistant Ⅲ, North Birmingham Regional Branch and Inglenook Branch Libraries